A Message From Our Sponsors

(No, not really)

P.U.S.S.B.A.L.L and You, Perfect Together

In this fast-paced, interactive world of today, wouldn’t you like a chance to leave it all behind? Wouldn’t you like a chance to rest and relax? Well the Pro-Active Union for Screwing Stupid Buyers And Loser Land-Owners is ready to help alleviate all the pressure in your life!

Yes, think of it! What would your life be like if you never had to make another payment to your mortgage? Wouldn’t you love it if you never had to worry about gassing up the car? Wouldn’t life be easier if you didn’t have to worry about bills, bills, bills?

Well, much like our customers, it’s incredibly simple! Just send a check, signed, to P.U.S.S.B.A.L.L.! Leave the value of the check blank. After a sophisticated financial analysis, we’ll decide how much you need to pay before we can alleviate the pain of money trouble from you forever!

If you’re a land owner, maintenance can be worrying. Why shorten your life span and worry your family, when you can let the weight rest on our shoulders? Simply find the deed to your property, and let the best lawyers in the country, our lawyers, modify it to suit your personal needs!

Listen to these satisfied customers:

Morty: "P.U.S.S.B.A.L.L. took everything [that worried me]! All my [worries], all my [cares], all gone!"

Bessie-Joe: "I haven’t made a payment on my house in months thanks to P.U.S.S.B.A.L.L.!"

L’il Billy: "I can’t believe what they did [for] me!!! They’re a bunch of as-" But that’s enough of that.

So send a check or deed to P.U.S.S.B.A.L.L. today, and we’ll clean you ou- up!

Shaking your head in wonder at the depths of patheticness this already pathetic page has sunk to, you are taken unawares as the author begins bashing down the door to the Mailroom! The door crumbles under him, and he rushes at you! You...

...take him head on!

...step to the side and trip him?